Hopes and Dreams

I have hopes and dreams for my kids - that they grow up and live long, happy and healthy lives.  That's it.  Simple right?  Hmmmmmm.   I had (and have) hopes and dreams for my own life as well - but they seem to have become more complicated somehow.  If you boil it down to one thing - it's happiness.  I think the day to day routine of life with kids can really wear on parents (and on a marriage) and we forget what it's all really about.  Happiness.  Each person needs to find his own happiness - whatever that may be.  For Jake it's eating, sleeping or playing with us.  For Kylie it's mostly just playing (with us is her favorite though).   I find true happiness in my children and my husband, and the wonderful life that I have.  However, there is something more that I need for happiness - and I have found it through my work.   My photography business gives me joy, confidence, identity, and it fulfills the ambitious and creative side of myself.  Without it (the "it" being my PAYING job) I just feel lost in the "everyday" of feeding, cleaning, wiping tears, wiping bottoms, feeding, cleaning....... you get the idea.   So, Jeff and I have the most AWESOME nanny that watches Jake for 10-15 hours a week and Kylie goes to preschool (soon to be every morning) - and I get to work.  I'm trying to get over the guilt I carry about having alternate "care" for my children while I'm working (on photography or other household tasks) and I'm realizing that my happiness is just as important as the happiness of my children and my husband.  Part of the guilt comes from my own fear of not being a good enough mother/wife and the other part is fear of being judged by others.  I am lucky that I have found a job that allows me the flexibility to make money for my family AND still be here with my kids for all the special times that lie ahead of us.  I want to be role model for Jake and Kylie. Someone who appreciates what she has and lives life with a positive attitude.  I am grateful for my husband, who believes in me and is an amazing friend.  Life is pretty darn good.  

Whew - all that said - here's some pictures of the kids.  My Kylie Bear is growing up so fast. And Jake - ahhhhh Jake - he's sooooo sweet.  He's rolling over both ways (started about a week ago).  He's eating cereal - though he doesn't care much for sweet potatoes or bananas yet.  He's trying to get a normal nap schedule together - but he REALLY likes to cat nap so he doesn't miss out on anything.  He grabs for things and never stops moving.  Love him.

Kylie in August 2007 and June 2009

Jake now...  :)